


glue

by enkoro



Category: My Hero Academia, 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia
Genre: "wtf no im not in love", Abusive Bakugou Mitsuki, Anxious Bakugou Katsuki, Apologies, Bakugou Katsuki Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Bakugou Katsuki is Bad at Feelings, Childhood Trauma, Class 1-A Friendship (My Hero Academia), Depressed Bakugou Katsuki, Empathy, Grieving Bakugo Katsuki, Kacchako friendship, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Themes, M/M, Minor Angst, Mutual Pining, Pining, Pining Bakugou Katsuki, Platonic Kacchako, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slow Burn, Supportive Class 1-A (My Hero Academia), Trans Bakugou Katsuki, Trans Male Character, Uraraka Ochako is a Good Friend, as a good friend should, bakugo - Freeform, bakushima, get a look inside bakugo's head, he just calls him out casually, inside you there are two sides, just with my own touch, kiribaku, kiribaku gay lol, kirishima is done with bakugos bullshit, mostly canon, one is gay, the other is gay, yes you are
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-02
Updated: 2020-02-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:46:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22532689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/enkoro/pseuds/enkoro
Summary: Bakugo Katsuki is a prideful hero-in-training that doesn't seem to understand empathy or how to communicate. However, with the help of his classmates and a certain individual opening his eyes, he sees there's more to life than anger and winning and battle.He also discovers there's this magical thing called love.
Relationships: Bakugou Katsuki/Kirishima Eijirou
Comments: 18
Kudos: 86





	1. a look inside

**Author's Note:**

> // heyo I'm koro! this is actually my first real fanfiction. i've got a lot planned for this baby! i hope you enjoy the first chapter as much as i loved writing it!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bakugo Katsuki is a teenage boy who's already gone through a lot, before and after getting into U.A. High. He's troubled and insecure, but no one else seems to realize that. No one but Kirishima, of course.

I always feel like I’m trapped in my room. 

But I’m not. The door is right there. Sure, it’s shut, but it’s not locked. It’s right there within reach, if I could only get out of bed. But I can’t. I feel glued to this bed. This bed is my best friend. This bed doesn’t yell at me. This bed doesn’t hit me. This bed doesn’t push me past my limits.

Reluctantly, I get out of my bed anyway, mindlessly continuing my morning routine. The morning is the only time I seem to get peace and quiet. My mother is asleep at this time, so I don’t have to hear her bitching. 

But I do have to listen to my father’s annoying ass questions. How is school? Have you made any new friends? Are your teachers doing okay? The bland questions piss me off. Why does he care, anyway? Mom doesn’t seem to give a shit, so why should he? I don’t understand why he married that old hag. He lets her run over him like he’s gravel. I don’t understand it. I can’t /stand/ it. He tries his best, he really does. I know he does. But his best isn’t good enough. I need my best to be good enough.

He takes me by surprise with this question, though. “How’s Kirishima doing?” 

If I didn’t know and care so much for Kirishima, I would hate him for making my parent’s feel in debt to him for saving their son. Not that they care about me. Not that I could ever hate Kirishima. Not that I could ever admit just how much I care for him. Not that he doesn’t already know I do care for him.

I’m not bothered by the fact that they ask about him now, but more so that they only just started asking about him because he helped me escape the League. Kirishima may have saved their son, but Kirishima is so much fucking more than that.

My mind takes me back to that night, the night All Might and other Pro Heroes came to rescue me from the League. To say the least, they did a really shitty rescue job. It wasn’t the Pro Heroes who rescued me that night, or Icy Hot, or Yayorozu, or Four Eyes, or Shitty Deku. No one rescued me that night. Because that night, All Might ended. And it’s all my damned fault. And the entire world is a witness to that testimony.

“How the fuck am I supposed to know?” I bite back. It’s mean, but it’s true. How the fuck /am I/ supposed to know? It’s not like I talk to Kirishima every day.

Just as that thought processes, I hear a ping from my phone in my pocket. 

Shitty Hair: hey bro, it’s dorm day! hurry up slowpoke!!

Okay, maybe I do. I would never admit that to anyone in a million years, though. 

My father gives me a look, a condescending smirk as he takes a sip of his coffee. He just has to look at my face to know it’s Kirishima who texted me. I scoff at him, grabbing my backpack and heading out the door. Walking is much better than driving or riding in another vehicle with some extras I don’t care about. 

Right. Today is dorm day. Aizawa will be showing us to our dorms. Our stupid ass dorms, for safety. All because I was too fucking weak.

At least I won’t have to wake up in the same house as that old hag any more.

Luckily, the school isn’t that far away, so within ten minutes I’m already at the gates, and I run into Kirishima. He’s the only one out of these extras I can respect enough to let stand beside me. He smiles at me with those pearly-white, crazy-sharp teeth. I’ve always wondered how badly it would hurt if he bit someone. Would blood be shed? Really, it’s kind of badass. His hair is as shiny and stiff as ever, that shitty red hair held up by his quirk and a shit ton of hair gel. Though I swear it’s glue rather than hair gel. The hair-horns are almost as pointy as his teeth and it’s always made me wonder if he could hurt someone that way, too. Like a bull charging at someone.

“Earth to Bakugo!” He waves in my face, giggling, and I realize I’ve been staring. Dammit.

That hand. I held that hand that night. He held onto me so tightly, that bastard. Idiot. I slap his hand out of my face. “Get the fuck outta my face.” I growl. He just laughs. I’ve never understood why he smiles and laughs so much, despite all his insecurities I know about. All the second guessing and anxiety and lack of energy. And yet, he smiles and laughs like he’s okay. He just keeps himself composed, as if that hair-glue’s purpose wasn’t only just to keep his hair sharp and together. 

He was truly a mystery, Kirishima Eijirou.

“Don’t be so mean!” He says, still grinning. He’s never been afraid to call me out on my bullshit. It pisses me off. It pisses me off that I respect that he does call me out.

During summer break, which was really just more training that wasn’t as regulated or supervised, Kirishima and I were having a sleepover at his house. His room is big, with dumbbells lying in the corner, a punching bag hanging from the ceiling, and Crimson Riot posters all over the walls. It smelled like old spice and, as Kirishima would say it, “manliness.” But luckily, not the nasty manliness. That night, after training for hours and even going outside to use our quirks on one another, I tiredly spilled my guts out to him. I don’t know why. Being at Kirishima’s house, in Kirishima’s room, alone with Kirishima made me feel something that wasn’t anger or resentment or sadness. He had asked me what was wrong, and I said, without thinking:

"Nothing is right.” 

Now, standing in front of him, it’s weird that he knows more than anyone else here.

I look at him.

He looks at me.

We continue on, meeting with the extras and Aizawa. The dorm building is huge, but that’s to expect from a prestigious school. U.A., the same school All Might attended, made only for the best to walk its halls. That’s why I’m here. And that’s why I’ll be the number one hero and surpass All Might, and that damn old hag can’t say shit about me being useless and worthless any more.

AIzawa starts his lecture. This oughta be fuckin’ good. Bakugou Katsuki, a goddamn embarrassment to this school who had to be chained down at the Sports Festival and was so fucking weak he was kidnapped by the League of Villains and not only that, but he ended All Might. Just plaster it onto a fucking billboard next to the dorms, why don’t you, Mr. Aizawa?

I feel as if everyone’s staring at me. They’re all staring at me with a look of hatred, so much tension in the air. I swear there’s more tension than oxygen right now. They’re looking at me. Not only the extras, but the Pro Heroes. Midnight. Edgeshot. Endeavor. Mt. Lady. Kamui Woods. Best Jeanist.

And even All Might.

I feel sweat drip down my hands, making small fiery crackles in my palms. I refuse to even look submissive to their stares, but holy shit, I feel like I’m back at the Training Camp. Back at the Training Camp, when those damn villains kept me at their side and I couldn’t move. When Kurogiri’s dark purple warp enveloped me and the villains and it felt like static crawling all over my body. Icyhot, that Arm Guy, Birdface and even shitty Deku, all looking at me with sheer horror and pity. It pisses me off so much. I don’t need their fucking pity. They witnessed villains kidnapping me because I’m stupid and horrible and not strong enough. Not strong enough at all. Even Deku, stronger than me, after being quirkless since childhood. All those years. 

It makes my gut wrench.

I feel a hand placed on my shoulder and I growl, a small explosion coming from my sweaty palms. It sends painful tingling through my muscles. My nerves and expression soften as I realize it’s Kirishima, seeming almost frightened by me. Or confused. I don’t know. 

“Hey, man. It’s okay.” He whispers, giving me a small smile. His voice is soothing, especially when it’s low like that. 

Kirishima is a good friend.

I don’t answer, I just turn my attention back to Aizawa. Sometimes there doesn’t need to be a verbal answer. Sometimes I can just look and Kirishima knows what I mean. 

Sometimes silence is better.

I still have to repay him. I can’t be in debt to him.

I notice Aizawa clarifying that the boys and girls will be separated, and though I didn’t catch some of what was said, I know it was because of something Mineta did or said. Mineta is a damn piece of shit. Holy shit, how horny can a teenager be? How did that bastard even end up in this school? This school is for the /best/ of the /best/, not literal scum.

I’ve never understood gender separation until I met Mineta.

I’m lucky enough to pass, but being grouped with a piece of shit like him makes my stomach turn. That’s one single downside to passing. The little shit is too much of a coward to mess with me though, which is good. I don’t want anyone to fucking mess with me. I don’t want anyone to know. 

Not even Kirishima. God, especially not Kirishima.

He may know more than anyone here, but that doesn’t mean I don’t know how to keep my mouth shut on some things.

Of course, the principal knows. But that’s about it.

And it’ll stay that way.


	2. Change

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katsuki recalls that night where Kirishima gave him a huge reality check. But this is only the beginning of his realization of everything he feels, everything that he is, and everything that he's done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fair warning! this chapter includes minor depictions of PTSD from parental abuse, so if you're sensitive to that kind of thing or not in the right state of mind to read such a vile thing, please avoid reading this chapter! thank you!

After giving Kirishima the money I owed from the night goggles, I felt a little more at ease with myself. 

At least I can repay someone in some way.

Kirishima and I discovered that our dorms are right next to each other, which puts me at ease. I don’t think I could handle being near anyone else.

The rest of those bastards decided to go do some damn stupid room contest. Kirishima tried convincing me to come with, but I harshly declined. How the hell can they goof off? Don’t they fucking realize? The Symbol of Peace is gone. Villainous activity will skyrocket from here on, and it’s our duty as pro-heroes-in-training to ward them off. The strongest, bravest, most amazing hero in the world, All Might. The hero who I’ve admired since childhood. The hero who always, always wins.

The Age of All Might has ended and it’s all my fucking fault.

It’s been on my mind since I saw him on TV, on that big screen. He was so much bigger in comparison to me. He was a giant and I was a small ant. Because he’s just that great. He won. All Might always wins, but he was so close to losing then.

So why? Why me, of all people?

Ever since coming to UA, I’ve been the talk of the town. Of the damn country. Even before coming to UA, people have talked up a storm about how I was attacked by that sludge villain. They talked about how I won the Sports Festival while wrapped in chains with a muzzle and how scary I seemed. They talk about my rivalry with Shitty Deku, they talk about me being kidnapped by the League of Villains. They talk about how strong and amazing my quirk is. And now they’ll talk about how All Might is gone, all because of me.

And on that big screen, he said, “Now, it’s your turn.”

He didn’t say that to me. Not to me, not to Icyhot, not to Yaomomo or to Kirishima or to Four Eyes. 

He said that to Izuku.

/Izuku./ Fucking /Deku./

Why? /Why!?/

I punch my dorm room wall. I can’t take this much longer.

Everyone in the world has seen my weakest points, not my greatest achievements. All because of Deku. If it weren't for him, none of this would be happening. If it weren't for him, I would already be on my predestined prosperous path. If it weren't for him, I would be able to show everyone just how amazing I am. If it weren't for him, I would get all the attention, just like I always have. Every month, every week, every day, every minute, every second here, he gets better and better, above me. Above /me/, of all people.

He was below me all these years. All these fucking years, he was quirkless. A hero wannabe, and everyone, /everyone/ just knew he wasn't going to make it. /Everyone/ said /I/ was destined for greatness, /everyone/ said I would be an amazing hero ever since my quirk manifested. I worked so hard, I trained myself all these years, I pushed myself so goddamn hard in school just so I could get into UA. It was supposed to be /me/ and only /me/ who made it. 

We both looked up to All Might, ever since childhood. But the one who he favors is Izuku, not me.

Not me. 

I seem to regain consciousness from my intense daydreaming and thinking when I realize there are warm, salty tears rolling down my cheek. No. I can't cry. Boys don't /cry./ Heroes don't /cry./ /Weaklings/ cry. 

"I'm not weak," I sob. "I'm not fucking weak." I say to the air floating around my room. I get nothing in response. I sound pathetic. I sit there, my arms wrapped around my knees that are up to my chest, waiting for a smack from my mother. I can almost feel her presence there, watching over me, staring me down intensely and angrily because her kid isn't supposed to be weak. "If you're going to be a boy, you're going to act like one," she would say. I can almost hear it. Almost. Almost. Her hand is just about to hit me, almost, almost, /almost-/

There's a knock at my door.

I jump and gasp, scrambling to the corner of my bed pressed against the wall. 

I swallow my sobs and wipe my face, hoping whoever's behind that door doesn't see my puffy-red cheeks and eyes. Not like they could behind the door, but who knows? /Keep your guard up, always, Katsuki./ How could I forget?

"I'm tryin' to fucking sleep!" I choke out. My binder feels tighter than ever against my chest.

Whoever's out there stands for a moment, the light in the hallway illuminating around their shadow. They don't say anything else, they just walk away. Their footsteps are light and delicate, which gives me the impression it was Uraraka. 

But I'm not sure.

I'm never really sure, am I?

Damn.

Dammit.

"Fucking hell," I remember I said that at the sleepover with Kirishima. "Nothing is right."

I had been laying down on the floor on Kirishima's spare sleeping bag, my right arm covering my eyes from the harsh light above us. Kirishima sat with his back against his bed, right beside me. I lifted my arm ever so slightly to see his expression, squinting at the lighting above him. From that angle, it looked like he was an angel. The sun himself shining over the dark world.

He was the sun and I was Earth.

In that moment, I almost understood the importance of the sun to Earth.

Almost.

He raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean, man?" He asked. "You mean with Midoriya?"

Kirishima was an idiot, but he wasn't /that much/ of an idiot. 

"Yeah. Fuckin' Deku," I grumbled. "It wasn't supposed to happen like this."

"Midoriya was quirkless before, wasn't he?"

"Yeah."

"And you've known each other all your lives, correct?"

"Yes. Since we were in diapers.The fuck is with all these questions?"

Kirishima tapped his chin in thought. Then, something seemed to click, he pointed his finger to the ceiling with his mouth shaped in an 'o'. His gaze came to me. "You aren't used to change." 

I've never been one to dig into my emotions. I've never had anyone in my life to look up to that expresed any emotion that wasn't rage. I have never in my life, not even once, considered why I feel the way I do, why I act the way I do. I've never, ever had a reality check.

Not until I met Kirishima.

I really, really, really hate when he calls me out on my bullshit. 

But I respect it, because deep down, 

I know I need it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's a bit short, but i hope you enjoy the second chapter <3 again, I have more planned for this and am doing my best to figure out how ao3 works lol!!! it's a bit confusing @^@ but I'm doing my best, just as anyone else should! especially you, bakugo. plus ultra!  
> \- koro


	3. anger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> deku and baku fight. and your kiribaku crumbs ♡

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's a small time skip in this chapter! indicated by •••••

My quirk is explosion. I sweat a nitroglycerin-like substance that causes explosions to form. I know that. Everyone knows that. It's an incredible quirk, and that's not my cockiness talking. It is an incredible quirk. I know that. I know that. I know that All Might is - was - the number one hero. I know that All Might has rescued countless lives, everyone does. I know that Izuku was quirkless before, everyone does. I know that. I know that the first person to get a quirk shone like a beam of light. I know that stars are burning mini-suns, I know that. I know that the Earth is constantly changing, constantly moving, always doing something, even though we can't feel a thing. I know all of these things.

But I'm not entirely sure where my feet are taking me right now. I know there's a burning sensation in my heart, in my lungs, an internal inferno tearing me apart from inside. But I don't know why. 

All I can see is red, and all I can think is Deku, Deku, Deku. I'm gritting my teeth, grinding them together because I can't take the amount of rage built up inside me. My muscles tighten as I clench my fists, my veins showing accordingly. 

My feet seem to be taking me all around the dorms. I can't stop it. I can't help it.

I'm just so mad.

I don't understand my emotions, I don't fucking know what I feel. It makes me so damn pissed. I'm so damn pissed at myself. No, I'm pissed at Deku. This is all his goddamned fault. All of it. 

I am the Earth and I'm constantly moving, but why? Is it because I'm afraid the other planets will catch up to me? Is it because if I stop, I'll destroy myself if the others don't catch up in time? Is it because I feel the constant need to move, move, move even though I don't know what I'm moving towards or from?

If anyone knows the answer, it's definitely not me.

I hate that I don't fucking know the answer.

Maybe I'll get the answer if I just get a few punches out. Explode some shit, destroy everything in my path, obliterate what I can so I can ignore the blazing flame that's eating me inside. 

Specifically tear apart the person I'm sure is causing my pain.

And then there he is.

I don't need to look up to know it's Deku. I can see his crappy shirt that says the blandest shit ever. His fashion sense has always been nauseating. It makes me even more pissed. I'm seething. I'm livid.

"Meet me outside," I growl through gritted teeth.

I just have to know. I need to see it for myself. I have to know if he's really caught up to me, after all these years. I have to have that reassurance that I'm stronger than a cis man. 

"Kacchan…" He squeaks out. Kacchan. Kacchan. Can he please shut the fuck up? Bakugo. Bakugo Katsuki. It's not that hard, Deku.

I walk away, my hands buried deep in my pockets. I always keep them in my pockets, because one, I can store up my sweat for explosions, and two, I have no clue what to do with my hands when walking. Swaying my arms feels awkward and so does keeping them still, but keeping them in my pockets keeps them safe and protected. Keeps me safe and protected. 

Keeping it all fabricated is better.

And being able to throw a good punch instead of dealing with my own pain is so much better. 

I can hear his footsteps. He's hesitant at first, but he follows me. He follows me. He's behind me, trying so damn hard to catch up. Just like he always has been. Always, up until now. 

"Keep your guard up," My dad had said to 5-year-old me, after the hag had given me a good beating. "Always, Katsuki."

I remember the expression he wore. He was so worried. Worried about me. He looked down on me - quite literally - just like Deku did that day I fell off the log. It made me so mad. Back then, I thought he meant to keep my guard up to my mom.

But no. I was so wrong. The old hag wasn't the one I was supposed to be worried about.

He meant that I should keep my guard up to everyone around me, because though I've always been exceeding, there's always the chance of someone catching up to me. No matter how ahead you are, you're constantly in competition. 

I didn't understand that before and now I'm paying for it.

I still can't seem to accept it, though. Fourteen years. After fourteen years, suddenly Deku gets this random fucking quirk that was supposed to develop ten years before? It doesn't make any fucking sense. Which leads me to believe it has to do something with All Might. All Might evaded my question about Izuku's quirk before. Deku never told me shit about his quirk, but he claims he was never hiding it from me.

Something is going on here, I'm at least sure of that. I don't think it's Half 'n' Half's theory of him being some stupid secret love child, but I do believe that that shitty quirk is not Izuku's.

We make our way outside into the chilly darkness of the night. I lead us to an opening - perfect for sparring. Izuku is obviously anxious. He's scared shitless, the little fucking weakling. I love that he's scared. It makes me feel so powerful. At least, it did. Now it feels like a taunt. A cover up masking the power behind.

"Your quirk," I start. "It's not yours, is it?"

He doesn't answer. Instead, he slowly backs away. His guard is clearly up. He can't lie to me. Not any more.

"I'll take your silence as a yes."

"Come on, don't do this," Deku pleads.

I stretch out my arms, holding one over to the right, and doing the same to the other on the opposite side. "If you don't wanna get hurt, punch back." I need to see it. If Deku has really gotten good, really gotten better, then he shouldn't hesitate to fight me. He shouldn't fucking be scared if he's got such a flashy quirk to be so goddamned proud of. "Oh right, you've been using your legs more these days, haven't you?"

He holds his hands out in defense, as if that's really gonna fucking stop me.

"Come on, stop!" He yells. Hearing his voice makes me wanna go. "This isn't smart! Wait!"

Before he's able to say anything else, I quickly blast an explosion from behind me, launching me into the air above him. Above him. Where I've always been. Where I'm determined to always be. Using my free hand, the small beads of sweat become crackles and pops, until a chain reaction occurs and they all blow up into a big explosion, directed right at Deku. It blows him up into the air and I make another explosion to get near him. I try hitting him, but he dodges. Come on, you bastard. Show me what you've fucking got. Fight me, dammit!

I try hitting him again, this time with a bigger explosion. A few more big explosions follow after it, like fireworks on the fourth of July. But this is no festival. This is no game, this is no "fun time" to me. If he's really got All Might's quirk, then fight me, hit me, he can beat me, for fuck's sake.

We fall back to the ground, my hand still popping some small crackles here and there. The explosions blasting in my ear make it hard for me to hear anything Deku's saying, but I do faintly hear "I know how much he meant to you!"

And that makes me set off another explosion. He's saying something, but I don't know what. And frankly, I don't care. I don't care what he has to say, I want to fight. I need to get it out. I need to get my anger out.

I need to put out this internal inferno.

He backs away before I can hit him, again. "Stop running!" I scream. "Stand up and fight!"

I fly towards him again, almost getting a decent hit and a good kick on him. I can barely hear what's coming out of my own mouth as I send a huge explosion towards him but of course, he fucking dodges. I fall back, angry.

I'm so fucking angry.

If there's any emotion of mine I understand, it's anger.

"Hey," He comes towards me, offering his hand. Just like he fucking did when I fell off the log. Don't, Deku. Don't. Fucking. Do it. 

"Are you alright?"

And just like that, I smack his hand away. "Don't you dare worry about me!"

I don't need it, Deku. I don't need your fucking pity. I don't need your help. I don't need to see your worried expression. I don't need you to pretend like we're equals. 

"Why did a damn small fry like you get strong!? And become the number one hero's sidekick? His favorite?" I'm rambling, saying everything that comes to my mind. All the memories flooding back to me of years ago, when we both admired All Might. Before Deku became strong. Before he nearly got above me. Before Deku got a quirk.

Before I ended All Might.

"It's my fault," I choke out. "It's my fault...All Might knows it's my fault but hasn't said anything! But everyone knows! I can't get it out of my head!" My throat hurts, it aches and it's dry, as if all the moisture went to my eyes instead. "I admired him so much, but it's because of me that he ended up losing his power, so what the hell am I supposed to do!?"

I don't know what Izuku's expression is, but I don't want to look up to see.

"Why was I the one who ended All Might!?" I scream, my voice nearly breaking. Tears form into my eyes, crimson candy that's bittersweet. It feels good to get it out. But I hate that I had it inside in the first place.

Izuku seems to realize something. I think he gets it now.Finally. "I won't be your punching bag, Kacchan! So bring it on!"

Oh, I will, Deku.

Finally.Finally, finally, finally, we fight. It's all really a fiery blur, I can barely hear or see a thing. But I can sense where Deku is and that's all I care about, that's where I aim. I punch, kick, and hit him, and he punches, kicks, and hits me. That's what I want. That's what I like. Neither of us are going down without a fight.

Deku nearly gets to kick me, his shitty red shoe barely an inch or two away from me. My entire hand lights up in defense and I blast him away, but he ends up coming right back. And he punches me. He fucking punches me. It hurts, bad. But I refuse to lose. I refuse to fucking lose to Defenseless Izuku. 

I blast us both down onto the gravel, holding Deku down with all my strength. We're both panting from the yelling and moving, both of our bodies are clearly exhausted and the smoke around us reminds me of how much all of my body aches. My muscles, my ears, my lungs, my chest. It hurts. It hurts so damn bad. But I won't let him see that.

I won't. 

Izuku Midoriya, Deku, has somehow obtained All Might's power. All Might, the number one hero, the one whom I've admired since childhood. So How? How the fuck could he lose?

I hear All Might's deep voice. I look over, expecting - hoping - to see the All Might I've always known, the buff giant of a man with the ridiculous hair and smile. But that's not what I see. What I see - what my eyes see, at least - is a skinny skeleton of a man with sunken eyes. I still can't believe it. 

I did that. I did that.

“All…”

“...Might.”

As he’s walking towards us, he says “I’m sorry...that I didn’t notice.”

I turn away. I can’t look at him. I can’t look at All Might. “It’s too late.” I stare at the ground. The pain I feel inside most definitely isn’t just because my muscles are sore. I know it’s not just physical pain, I know the pain I feel deep inside is because I’m emotionally hurt. And it hurts. It hurts worse than any physical pain I’ve ever endured. “Why Deku?” I ask, almost a whisper, to the point where I really don’t think anyone but Deku can hear me. “It started when the sludge villain came, right? Why him?”

“He was quirkless, but more heroic than anyone else.”

No, All Might. That’s not what I want to hear.

“I believed you were strong. You could already fight. Young Midoriya couldn’t.”

I grit my teeth

“I decided he should be able to fight in the ring, too.”

“I’m weak too, you know!” I say. I know I am. I know I’m weak compared to All Might. “I always wanted to be just like you. Strong. It’s because I’m so weak that now you look like that.” I still can’t look at him. I still can’t look into his eyes, if he even has any deep down in those sunken eye sockets. God, I did that.

He’s right next to me now, I can feel his breath on my neck. “This isn’t your fault.”

You’re just saying that to make me feel better, All Might. You know it is my fault.

“Either way, my limit was close. I was always going to end up like this.”

No. No, you weren’t. Not you. Not All Might, the number one hero. Not All Might, my favorite hero of all time. Not you, All Might, who saved countless lives and was always so, so strong and amazing. Not All Might, who always wins. Not you. Not you. Please, not you.

“You’re strong,” He says. I’m trying not to cry. “But I focused too much on your strength.” 

He grabs my head and pulls me in close, in an attempt to comfort me. 

“I ended up making you bear that burden. I’m sorry. You’re still so young, too. Sometimes I forget.”

‘I’m sorry.’ An adult saying ‘I’m sorry’ sounds so foreign to me. This can’t be right. Why’s he saying sorry to me when it’s my fault he’s like this? Why me? I push him away with a grunt.

“After being a hero for such a long time, I can see what motivates you both. Young Bakugo, you’re fixated on victory. And Young Midoriya, you want to save those in trouble like you. If either of those feelings are missing, then a hero won’t be able to carry out the justice he wants to carry out.”

I can almost admit that he’s right.

Almost. 

“Now that your feelings are out in the open, I think you both understand. If you can help make each other stronger in where you’re lacking, you both can become amazing heroes.”

He looks at me.

I look at him.

I fall to the ground again, more gracefully this time.”That’s not...what I wanted to hear.”

We sit in silence.

Sometimes silence is better.

"You…" I mutter out to Deku, my head between my knees. "were given directions by the strongest man in the world. Don't lose."

•••••••••

I saunter into the boys dorms hallway, making my way to my room. There's so much on my mind but nothing at the same time. I'm doing everything without properly thinking. All I can really think about is what just happened. What I've been told by All Might himself.

I open my door to see Kirishima sitting on my bed, though he was a bit hard to make out at first because the lights are off. Neither of us do anything until I've shut my door.

"Bakugo…"

I'm trying to hold in my sobs, I really am. I'm trying my best. But I can't do it. The tears fall and I sob out miserably, sitting beside Kirishima while he wraps his arms around me in comfort. We're facing each other on my bed, my forehead placed on his shoulder. He traces circles that feel more like explosion outlines across my back, letting me stain his shirt with my tears. With his arms wrapped around me like this, I can feel his muscles. He's so strong. He makes me feel so safe.

He leads us to lay down into a position where he's spooning me. It's comforting, having Kirishima hold me like this. It's nice. It's soothing. He whispers, "You shouldn't have done it."

"Shut up."

There's silence, aside from my sobbing. 

Sometimes silence is better. 

But Kirishima breaks that silence. Of course he does. Red Riot. It's a suiting hero name for him because he never shuts up. "Do you feel better now?"

I respond with a sniffle. I turn around in his arms so I'm facing him, and I bury my face in his chest. 

"Please don't change."

**Author's Note:**

> Being nice and being mean are two extremes that can both go long ways, neither being entirely negative nor entirely positive.
> 
> // hope u enjoy! you can find me on twitter @enkoro__ for some other cool content, and by that i mean me talking abt how much i love kirishima lol


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